The alarm goes off at the same time it always has. Your computer password hasn't changed. Your desk looks exactly as you left it. But everything is different now because someone you love is gone, and somehow you're expected to sit in meetings, answer emails, and function as if your world hasn't been completely rearranged.
Returning to work after a significant loss is one of grief's cruelest challenges. While your heart is learning to beat around a hole that feels impossibly large, the professional world keeps moving at its relentless pace. Deadlines don't pause for broken hearts. Meetings don't get canceled because you can barely remember what day it is. The normal expectations of productivity, focus, and social interaction can feel overwhelming when you're using all your energy just to breathe.
If you're facing the daunting prospect of returning to work while grieving, or if you're already there and struggling to navigate this complex terrain, please know you're not alone. Grief at work is incredibly common, yet rarely discussed openly. This silence leaves many people feeling isolated and unsupported during an already difficult time.
Understanding How Grief Affects Your Professional Life
Grief isn't just an emotion—it's a full-body, full-mind experience that impacts every aspect of your functioning. Understanding how grief specifically affects your work capabilities can help you be more compassionate with yourself and more strategic about managing your professional responsibilities. Here are just a few ways you might see grief show up in your life...
- Cognitive changes: memory challenges, concentration difficulties, brain fog, slower processing, and more.
- Emotional unpredictability: waves of sadness, emotional outbursts, exhaustion, feelings of guilt, irritability, and more.
- Physical symptoms: chest pain, sleep disruption, fatigue, gut issues, illness, muscle tension, and more.
While everyone's grief journey is unique, there are practical strategies that can help make work more manageable during this difficult time.
Practical Strategies for Managing Work While Grieving
- Ease back in slowly if possible. Consider starting with half days or a reduced schedule before jumping back into full-time work if your work allows. If your supervisor and type of work you do make it possible, working from home initially might feel less overwhelming than being in a busy office environment.
- Prioritize ruthlessly. Your capacity is limited right now, so focus on truly essential tasks and let non-critical items wait. This isn't the time to take on new projects or volunteer for additional responsibilities. It's also good to ask for help when you can't do everything on your list.
- Break large tasks into smaller pieces. When concentration is difficult, tackle projects in small, manageable chunks rather than trying to power through large assignments all at once.
- Use external organization systems more than usual. Your internal organization skills may be compromised, so rely heavily on calendars, task lists, and reminders to help you stay on track.
Communication
- Inform your supervisor early. Having a conversation with your manager about your loss and how it might affect your work can prevent misunderstandings and create space for accommodations you might need.
- Be specific about what you need. Rather than just saying you're "dealing with grief," consider sharing specific challenges if you feel safe to do so, like, "I'm having trouble concentrating on detailed tasks right now" and potential solutions "Would it be possible to have deadlines in writing rather than just verbal discussions?"
- Identify key colleagues who you feel comfortable talking to about your situation. Having a few people who understand what you're going through can provide crucial support during difficult workdays away from friends and family.
- Prepare responses for well-meaning colleagues. People will ask how you're doing, and having a few go-to responses ready can save emotional energy. Simple phrases like "I'm taking it one day at a time" or "Thanks for asking—some days are harder than others" can acknowledge their concern without requiring emotional labor from you.
Managing Emotions
- Identify safe spaces where you can go if you need a moment to compose yourself. This might be a bathroom, your car, an empty conference room, or even a stairwell. Knowing where you can have privacy for emotional moments reduces anxiety about breaking down in public.
- Develop quick grounding techniques for moments when emotions hit unexpectedly. This could be deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, stepping outside to be in nature, or even simply counting objects in the room to help you stay present.
- Keep comfort items nearby. Having a photo, a small memento, or something that brings you comfort within reach can provide emotional support during difficult moments.
- Plan for triggers. If you know certain topics, dates, or situations are likely to be emotionally challenging, think ahead about how you'll handle them. This might mean scheduling important meetings for times when you feel strongest or preparing to step away if needed.
Energy Management
- Protect your energy for work hours. If possible, minimize demanding social or emotional commitments outside of work so you can use your limited energy for professional responsibilities.
- Take real breaks. When you're grieving, breaks become even more crucial. Step away from your desk, go outside if possible, or do something that genuinely refreshes you rather than just scrolling through your phone.
- Honor your body's needs. If you're exhausted, don't push through unnecessarily. If you need to eat lunch even though you're not hungry, do it anyway. Basic self-care becomes even more important when you're dealing with grief.
- Know your best hours. Many people have certain times of day when they feel more capable. If you're a morning person, tackle your most challenging tasks early. If afternoons are better, protect that time for important work.
One of the most challenging aspects of grief at work is the pressure—both internal and external—to return to your previous level of functioning quickly. Understanding that this pressure is unrealistic can help you navigate the situations that might arise. Despite what others might suggest, there's no standard timeframe for "getting over" a significant loss. Healing happens gradually, and there will be setbacks along the way. Rather than trying to get back to exactly how you were before, focus on finding a new normal that accommodates both your professional responsibilities and your ongoing grief process.
While returning to work during grief can be challenging, it's important to acknowledge that for many people, work can also provide valuable structure, distraction, and purpose during a difficult time. Having a reason to get up, get dressed, and leave the house can provide helpful routine during the early stages of grief. Plus, completing work tasks can provide a sense of capability and normalcy when other areas of life feel out of control. Even when it feels effortful, regular interaction with colleagues can help prevent the isolation that often accompanies grief. The key is not to use work as an escape from your feelings. The goal is to find ways to honor both your need to heal and your need to maintain your professional life, recognizing that both are important parts of your overall well-being.
Many organizations offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide grief counseling and support services. Don't hesitate to reach out for professional help if you're struggling to manage both work responsibilities and your grief process. If your workplace seems unsympathetic or unwilling to provide reasonable accommodations, consider consulting with HR or even seeking advice from employment law resources about your rights as a grieving employee.
For colleagues who want to better support you during this time, we've created a companion guide about what to say, what not to say, and how to genuinely help someone navigating grief you can read here.
Returning to work while grieving is one of those experiences that highlights the gap between how we think life should work and how it actually unfolds. In an ideal world, we'd have unlimited time to process our losses before having to engage with professional responsibilities. In reality, most of us need to figure out how to do both simultaneously. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this challenging terrain. Some days will be harder than others. Some weeks will feel like progress, and others will feel like steps backward. This is all normal and expected in grief.
Your grief doesn't make you less professional, less capable, or less valuable as an employee. It makes you human. And while it's temporarily affecting your capacity, it's also deepening your empathy, resilience, and understanding of what really matters in life—qualities that ultimately make you a better colleague and person.
