This is a story that Tracy shared in our Momento Collective, and we wanted to make it available here on the blog as well:
I became aware of the preserving memories program via a post on a MBC Facebook page, and I visited the website and filled out the request form quickly. It was right around the one-year anniversary of my metastatic breast cancer (MBC) diagnosis, and we had a huge family gathering planned for Christmas. I had missed the prior Christmas because of a low WBC count so this one mattered.
Obviously, any Stage IV cancer diagnosis is difficult and complicated. One of the big (and kind of unique) challenges for me, however, is that the seven people who love me most in the world are all adult men (a husband and six grown sons.) This is a challenge because of the differences that may present in how men and women handle crisis and grief. Women can dwell in the details of uncertainty and loss, but men like to push onward. Sometimes that means putting their feelings in a box and putting that box on a high shelf. Sometimes they busy themselves with work and projects (i.e. “doing” their grief rather than feeling their grief) and sometimes they just pretend like the difficult thing isn’t happening. Often what they want to do least is talk about their feelings which can make it hard to know how they are doing.
I think I am good at giving my crew some “cancer space.” I have become an observer of their individual cancer journeys with brief check-ins when one of them allows for some cancer discussion, or when one of the other women in their lives (mostly my daughter-in-laws) offer some insight. What they will say about cancer is “I love you, mom…and I want you to get the best care…and if you are ok then we are ok.” I have their complete love and support.
When Todd Yaney, our photographer who has become a family friend, reached out to let me know our pictures would be taken I was very excited and began making the plan for location, etc. Christmas pictures had been an annual event when the boys were younger. As such, my husband and sons were all 100% supportive of the idea, and it was thrilling that we would have a real photographer taking the pictures in a location that had meant the world to our family for generations.
The weather forecast wasn’t on our side as the day approached, but that morning the skies cleared, and the air was cooled…lovely for picture taking. Todd was perfect for my crew of men…warm and friendly. Taking pictures with him was easy. We are a large family with several young children, and we were in a public place. The kids were busy running around when not in pictures, and Todd would pause to let people enter or leave the chapel pictured behind us. We were all relaxed and comfortable. All this is to say, our picture-taking itself was blessed experience for my family before we ever saw Todd’s product...offering a shared cancer-related experience perfect for us with lots of moving parts, little kid silliness, joking, and love.
AND then the pictures came...and above and beyond what they mean to those who will survive me, I found that they fill an emotional niche for me that I hadn't realized existed. My cancer is a bomb that was thrown into the middle of my family, and I might have imagined that these pictures would somehow reflect that sad trauma in some way. Instead to me they say, that even though cancer is terrible, and it’s hard and this crew has lost the certainty of time with me…there is still joy. Of course, there is grief and there were some bitter-sweet moments as we took these pictures, BUT cancer, even though I ultimately will not escape MBC…isn’t destroying them. On the bad days or when I am worrying my stoic family of men, these pictures are such a comfort.
Living Life with Cancer
After Tracy shared her story, we were able to interview her with the support of The Georgia Alliance for Breast Cancer, to have a deeper conversation on living with metastatic cancer. The video interview lives in the Momento Collective Learning Library to be an inspirational and educational resource for others navigating similar situations. We are so grateful for Tracy's heart to help others and make the most of her life and hope you enjoy our conversation with her.
