Grief has a way of making the world feel unmoored—like familiar rhythms have suddenly stopped, leaving us adrift in unfamiliar emotional territory. In these moments of profound loss, rituals can serve as gentle anchors, offering structure, meaning, and connection when we need them most.
A ritual is simply a meaningful, intentional action performed with purpose. Unlike routine habits we do automatically, rituals carry emotional weight and symbolic significance. They can be as simple as lighting a candle each day in memory of someone we've lost, or as elaborate as creating an annual celebration of their life.
In the context of grief, rituals serve several important functions:
They provide structure in chaos. When loss disrupts our normal patterns, rituals offer predictable moments of meaning that can help ground us through difficult days.
They create space for emotion. Rituals give us permission to feel deeply and process our grief in intentional ways, rather than being overwhelmed by emotions that arise unexpectedly.
They maintain connection. Perhaps most importantly, rituals help us feel continued connection to those we've lost, transforming our relationship with them rather than ending it.
They mark transitions. Rituals help us acknowledge important moments in our grief journey—from initial loss through various stages of healing and integration. They can help us with physical transitions too as we leave one place and enter another.
Rituals offer a way to honor our what was lost while also nurturing our own healing process.
A Personal Story of Ritual in Grief
Todd, one of our volunteer photographers, was driving with his wife, Tina, when his car was struck by a distracted driver. Tina was killed, sending shockwaves through their family and community. As their family works through their grief and mourning, they have relied heavily on their faith, the support of family and friends, and rituals.
Part of their processing included getting away for a few days at a rented house to have time alone with one another. Todd's son and daughter had both just read a book he became familiar with through the Momento Book Club called "Finding the Words" by Colin Campbell. Campbell wrote this book shortly after his two children were killed in a crash involving a drunk driver, so the family found a lot of common ground with him. They talked about this book and their connection with various sections during their time together.
The healing that comes from "Family Rituals" is something that resonated with them. Todd's daughter suggested that they commit to doing two things each time they're together over the next 12 months. The first is to talk about Tina—as wife, mom, and grandma. They knew it wouldn't be easy for any of them, but she created a one-question prompt for each of them to fill out. At the end of the year, she will compile a book of their memories. This exercise was to be a conversation starter for them to chat through while they did the second activity.
She collected small rocks, and they're to paint a rock each time they're together. It will help them visualize their grief and that it's okay to shift back to happiness at some point. The bucket of rocks looked like a group of gray, sad, boring, normal old rocks. But gradually, as they're together and paint things on them—with colors, memories, and pictures—like the rocks, they will hopefully shift from feeling so sad and gray to feeling a bit brighter.
As they go through the year, they'll have a mix in the bucket. They'll have some bright and freshly painted rocks which can symbolize finding their new normal and the happiness and joy they are sharing together. But there will also still be some gray rocks, and these will symbolize that they are still working on grieving their loss. There may even be some little gray rocks at the end of the year that they never painted—and that's okay. These rocks will represent that it's okay to always feel sad or lonely for Tina. Their grieving might never fully end, but it will change.
Some rocks are big and some are small. Like their sadness, they'll pick one rock to work on that feels right for that day. Just like they're working through missing Tina, they don't have to do it all at once—they'll just paint one per visit. They can take their time. If they can only handle a little bit that day, they'll pick a small rock. And they'll also do this project together. They will never be alone in their sadness; they will always have each other to lean on. At the end of the year, they can decide what to do with the rocks. For now, though, they heal through their memories.
Ritual Ideas Of Your Own
If you'd like to explore creating a ritual of your own, our team created a list to help give you ideas for a starting place (this is barely scratching the surface, so please don't feel limited by these suggestions—they are simply a starting place for your own creativity to take over):
- Carrying keepsakes. Keep a small item that belonged to them or reminds you of them—a piece of jewelry, a stone, or a photo—and make it part of your daily routine to touch or hold it mindfully.
- Talking to them. Simply talking to your loved one—while driving, during walks, holding their photo, or in quiet moments—can become a meaningful daily ritual.
- Morning remembrance moments. Start each day by lighting a candle, looking at a favorite photo, praying/meditating, or simply saying your loved one's name aloud. This gentle ritual can help you carry their presence with you throughout the day.
- Evening gratitude practice. Before bed, share one memory or express one thing you're grateful for each day in a journal or notes page (this might just be acknowledging that making yourself take a shower really did help you to feel better, or acknowledging something beautiful in nature, or the support from a friend or stranger)
- Visiting ritual. If you visit a gravesite, memorial garden, or special place, develop a consistent ritual for these visits—a certain day or a certain way, such as bringing fresh flowers, reading a poem, or simply sitting in quiet reflection.
- Memory crafting. Create painted rocks, photo albums, scrapbooks, or memory boxes filled with items that remind you of your loved one. The act of creating becomes the ritual, and the finished product becomes a treasured keepsake.
- Letter writing. Write regular letters to your loved one—sharing updates about your life, expressing feelings you wish you could tell them, or simply maintaining the conversation you would have had.
- Artistic expression. Engage in creative activities that feel connected to your loved one—painting, music, cooking their recipes, or learning a skill they had. The creative process becomes a form of communion and connection.
- Story preservation. Dedicate time each week to actively remember—call a friend or family member who also knew your loved one and share a story, or write in a memory journal. Record yourself or family members sharing stories about your loved one to not only preserves memories but create something meaningful for future generations.
- Birthday celebrations. Continue celebrating your loved one's birthday in meaningful ways—bake their favorite cake, donate to a cause they cared about, or gather with others who loved them to share stories.
- Holiday traditions. Adapt existing holiday traditions or create new ones that honor your loved one's memory. This might mean setting an empty place at the table, preparing their favorite dish, or starting a new tradition of charitable giving in their name, or perhaps using an item or color to represent them in decor.
- Anniversary rituals. Mark the anniversary of their death not as a day of pure sorrow, but as a day of intentional remembrance. Plant a tree, create art, write them a letter, or spend the day doing something they loved.
- Seasonal connections. If your loved one had a favorite season or outdoor activity, create rituals around these times—watching their favorite team during football season, tending a garden in spring, or taking walks in the first snow.
The most meaningful rituals are often the most personal ones. Consider what made your relationship with your loved one special, what activities you shared, what values they held dear, or what would feel most honoring to their memory.
Your rituals don't need to be complex or time-consuming. They simply need to feel meaningful to you. Some questions to consider as you develop your own practices:
- What did you and your loved one enjoy doing together?
- What were their passions, interests, or causes they cared about?
- What times of day, week, or year feel most difficult, and how might a ritual provide comfort during these times?
- Are there objects, places, or activities that make you feel close to them?
- What would feel most honoring to their memory and most nurturing to your own healing?
Moving Forward With Intention
Grief is not a problem to be solved but a love to be lived. Rituals don't take away the pain of loss, but they can help us carry that pain with more grace and intention. They remind us that our connections to those we love don't end with death—they simply transform.
As you explore incorporating rituals into your grief journey, be patient with yourself. Some practices will resonate deeply; others may not feel right for you, and that's perfectly okay. The goal isn't to follow a prescribed formula but to find meaningful ways to honor your unique relationship and support your own healing process.
Remember that rituals can evolve over time. What brings comfort in the early days of grief may change as you move through your healing journey. Allow your practices to grow and change as you do, always guided by what feels most authentic and nurturing to your heart.
In creating space for ritual in our grief, we create space for love to continue flowing—not just backward toward the person we've lost, but forward into our ongoing lives, enriching our present moments with the gifts they gave us and the love we still carry.
